The previous post used an analogy to describe the feelings that many have when discovering that Mormonism's claims of divine origin are false.
I'll use a quote from my book, The Mormon Mirage, that describes the end of that process for me, when I was confronted with a make-it-or-break-it fact, which was the “point of no return” for me:
One final acid test remained at the end of the summer. Since I had a scholarship and a writing job waiting for me at BYU, I decided to return, promising Dan that we would marry—if I came back in December feeling about Mormonism as I did then in August. As I was packing, I felt as if the summer had been a dream. Or was it the real part, and the rest of my past life the illusion? I was unhappy about leaving Dan, but I knew I must make my decision alone. No matter how much I loved him, my eternal soul and my relationship with God were more important to me.
I was putting my books into boxes when, tired, I sat down with my Doctrine and Covenants. Always it had been my favorite book of scripture because of its practical commandments, like the Word of Wisdom, which had purified and uplifted the lives of millions of Latter-day Saints. Also commonly bound in the same volume with the Doctrine and Covenants is another book of scripture called the Pearl of Great Price, which includes two books that Mormons believe were written by Moses and Abraham. These scriptures are unique in that they have what purport to be illustrations by Abraham himself. These illustrations, reproduced by woodcuts, are in the ancient Egyptian style. I have always loved Egyptology, though I have no more than an avid layperson’s knowledge of the subject.
I was looking idly through these familiar woodcuts when I was struck by an incongruity that upset me. Two of the women in the woodcut known as “Facsimile 3” had been labeled by Joseph Smith as men! Egyptian women are easily recognized in ancient documents by their distinctive strapped, ankle-length dresses.
Why I had never noticed this before, I do not know. I had looked at these woodcuts for years. I knew from reading authoritative experts on Egyptology that Egyptian women in history had dressed as men and acted as Pharaoh (Queen Hatshepsut, for example), but no Egyptian man would have been caught dead in a woman’s clothing, especially to be preserved for posterity on a papyrus roll!
It was with this discovery that my most concrete doubts about Mormonism began to multiply. No “anti-Mormon” writer had pointed this out; no hater of the LDS Church could have falsified or altered these prints; they were in my own personal copy of scripture. I found myself crushed and exultant, all at the same time.
For more information, see The Mormon Mirage 3rd Edition: A Former Member Looks at the Mormon Church Today(Zondervan, 2009). Also available as an audiobook and as an expanded-text E-book for Nook, Kindle and other reading devices.
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I will never forget the day that I walked away from the LDS church building on a Sunday afternoon and telling myself that I will never come back again. I didn't even understand at the time exactly what was wrong about the church but I knew with all my heart that it was NOT the church to be in. I had been attending a Christian church and I had not shared with anyone that I was a Mormon, nor did I share with my parents or Mormon friends that I was attending a Christian church. I wanted it to be between God and I, no outside pressure. Having been raised to believe that leaving the Mormon church was as good as turning your back on God himself, I was completely torn and agonizing over what to do. I decided to go back, one more time, and I prayed for the Lord to show me what the right thing to do was. By the end of the service I knew with absolute certainty that I would NOT ever be back. I still struggled with the WHY of it all but the Lord lovingly put it on my heart to just let it go for now and that is what I did. I know now that it was just too big to take in as a young, new Christian and that the Lord wanted to give me time to grow in my new found faith. A year later, the Lord brought my husband into my life. He had studied extensively, the differences between the Cults and Christianity. He began to teach me over the years of our marriage what exactly is wrong with Mormonism, using Scripture. I was actually angry with him at first because I just couldn't believe what I was hearing and there were many Mormon people in my life that I just couldn't accept would be facing hell. The Mormon church had been VERY good to me during some extremely difficult times and I felt the Lord had used them to literally save my life. I now understand very much the differences and while I still struggle with the thought of people I love facing hell, I know that Mormonism is the epitomy of deceit. My parents are still very involved in the Mormon church and it is a very touchy subject. My parents continue, 15+ years later, to accuse my husband (behind my back) of leading me away from Mormonism even though I didn't even know him at the time that I walked away for good. What is worse, in talking to my parents, they have stated that regardless of ANYTHING that we have to say with regards to proven faults with the Mormon doctrine, they are happy with where they are at and will gladly stick their heads in the sand to avoid anything to change that, including cutting off our relationship. Absolutely heartbreaking, but we continue to pray for them and know that if it is the Lords will, He will open up their hearts and minds to the truth, just as he did for me all those years ago.
Kim, thank you so much for sharing your story. I know many ex-Mormons who have been treated in exactly the same way as you. I am proud of you not only for your courage but also for the loving way you represent those still in Mormonism. May God bless you. L